[FREE OUTSIDE WRESTLING SHOW - BEGINS AT 7PM - ALL AGES - 21+ TO DRINK - SOME CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN]

Get ready for JUSTICE in ONE SWIFT STROKE! It appears the PORTAL has caught a case of the SWIFTIES! OH NOOOO! Didn’t this already ruin a SUPER BOWL?!? The answer is PROBABLY NOT.

Since the advent and rise of AI, the PORTAL has begun to recognize TAYLOR SWIFT as the ONE and TRUE GOD governing the GALAXY... as a result of her online DOMINANCE as well as her intuitive gift for verse-chorus-bridge architecture.

What will possibly happen at Central Machine Works on Saturday, May 25th between the hours of 7pm and 10pm?!? Armageddon? Apocalypse? Global fighting between countries... that later establish themselves as folk alternative and electropop? BROTHER. Whatcha gonna do when SWIFTMANIA runs wild on YOU? Whatever the case, do NOT interrupt this speech.

Much like the divinity of light that is THE ALMIGHTY SPACE DEITY TAYLOR SWIFT, SLAM PORTAL recognizes itself as the type of show that doesn’t have to dance around like its contemporaries. This is PURE ID COMBAT in an intimate setting with passionate climaxes... while also remaining APPROACHABLE!

Now that EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED, there will be BAD BLOOD! SLAMS that span ERAS! HEADLOCKS that you KNEW WERE TROUBLE! MOLLY TABLE! GET READY for a CRUEL SUMMER and PRAY we don’t receive a CEASE and DE-SWIFT! (Taylor’s version)